The Healing Power of Healthy Boundaries

Zippy
Zippy

I was never good at setting boundaries in my interactions with people. Apparently I had actually taken the ¨we are one¨ premise to heart!  A product of my upbringing, in my mind it seemed, it was my responsibility to fix things and make people comfortable, even if it meant a big sacrifice on my part.  

I was always accommodating, over-understanding, taking everybody´s joys and surrows as my own and providing refuge to anyone around me who was ever in need.   I was taught we all need to be very aware about the repercussions that our actions, good or bad, could have on the world and do what was in our power to make it a better place for all. In other words the bucket, ended with me.  Nothing wrong with that, but I failed at incorporating into my core that taking care of oneself is also a very important part of the equation and this includes learning to set proper boundaries between myself and the world around me.

As the universe seems to always conspire to get us what we are really ready to learn, my interactions with two very different RL friends plus the support from a very important person in my life, has left me thinking that perhaps I am now on my way to finally learn.  

One friend showed me in action how to listen attentively to a person´s problems and help them without actually connecting into their despair and sadness. She didn´t let herself be dragged into it.  In this way she was in an even better place to offer a helping hand.  The second friend, provided an opportunity for me to actually test thru action on my part what I had, up until that moment, doubted I had completely grasped, while my very own Mr. Big, provided reinforcement of the lesson learnt.  I passed the test.  The three of them together FINALLY teaching me that empathy is not the same as sympathy.  One without the other is more or less like a BLT without the bacon and bread. True compassion starts with me and towards me first. Perhaps now I will finally be able to  sit and watch the news from a different perspective.  xoxo, Landa.

I´ve never been one to enter competitions (I do only with myself) or win awards or seek recognition in SL.  I just do what I like the most in the best way I can without looking sideways and staying as relaxed as possible. Imagine my surprise at being chosen More Magazine´s Model of the Month for their June issue! I want to take the opportunity to thank Maxes Loon and Sita Writer for their lovely feature.  To access this month´s issue of More Magazine, click on the link to it on the left side bar.

Amalia
Amalia

Style Info:

Pic #1

A flower print bustier with a zipper down the front worn with a high waisted asymmetrical miniskirt. Available in different colors. Wear it with chunky shoes or flats for a casual look, or with super high platform pumps for a sultrier yet elegant look.

Vero Modero – Zippy Cropped Top & Skirt in Denim. Gizza – Paper Rose Necklace.  Maitreya Gold – Suave Platform Sandals in Raspberry.   Chary – Cuff. Yummy – Ring. Mina – Hair in Myrtle 🙂

Pic #2

A beautiful halter leather dress that is slightly flared. It ties up with a string under the bosom. Available in other leather colors as well as in fabric in solids or prints.

Gizza – Amalia Dress in Red Leather. Lelutka – Hair.

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6 thoughts on “The Healing Power of Healthy Boundaries

  1. Dee Darwin

    Well, without wanting to sound to selfish if we stand back and look hard at ourselves, it becomes obvious on so many levels, we must be at peace and happy before passing wisdom’s to others. If a friends car broke down can we help them if we give them a car with a flat tire? Can a doctor who is sick give a patient their full attention? We need to come first to our own state of calm and confidence. We owe that to ourselves before we enter the arena of aid to those around us.

    To show sympathy, empathy and/or compassion to one close to us can be exhausting and at times dangerous in the possibility of you being drawn in deeper than wished. Self imposed limitations are needed to ensure that help is provided without becoming an active part of whatever the problem is. It ain’t easy.

    ll one can do is exactly as you said, offer the shoulder to lean on but don’t give up the whole couch, your support will actually be that, support. You have to remain your primary focus and be firm when necessary.

    It’s just to easy to write it but doing……..well be careful.

    Dee♥

      1. Dee Darwin

        You are there as I see it, Landa. ILY too and do you know that in 7+years in SL you and only one other has called me by my first real name…….. I love it xoxox♥

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